Suicide, faith, hope and love

If you are reading this and are thinking about killing yourself, consider this a sign that you are meant to let yourself live. 

If you are reading this and have survived a suicide attempt, consider this a sign that it wasn’t an accident that you were saved. 

If you are reading this, and someone close to you has attempted or completed suicide, it really, truly is not your fault. I, and everyone else who has told you that, mean it sincerely and without judgment–it’s not your fault. Reading this is the sign that there was nothing you could do to stop it. I know you have a list of regrets: those things you wish you had or had not done or said. But there is far more to suicide than environment, external factors, or genetics. 

Suicide is a result of a perfect storm that in many ways remains a mystery to the mental health community. When I wrote about suicide with my former editor, Deacon Gene Fadness, for the Idaho Catholic Register in 2021, time and again, mental health professionals, advocates and survivors reiterated that suicide is often unpredictable. 

There are lists for suicide prevention that are helpful. There are some factors about suicide that seem to be generally true. But if you get down into the studies on suicide, you will find a lot of unknowns and inconsistencies to wade through. This doesn’t mean, however, that suicide is inevitable and unstoppable. There is hope! 

There is always hope. If you don’t have any right now, I want you to know that I have hope for you. 

This is one of the reasons that community is so essential. We’re human. We are finite. We run out of faith. We lose hope. We become numb to love. But God in His mercy not only reaches out to us through the transcendent presence of His Holy Spirit, He ministers to us through our community.

If you are feeling suicidal, call someone now. Call 988 now! Your life is worth saving. I know it can feel like everything is crashing in on you, that you can’t live with the weight that is pressing hard on your chest, that you think it’s better for everyone if you leave this life. But we need you, the world needs you, and even the people you will never meet, need you. 

If you are a caregiver or friend to someone who is suicidal, take care of yourself. It’s not just a hip phrase for our post-Covid world, you must take care of your physical, mental and spiritual health.

I am just a Catholic journalist. I’m not a doctor or therapist. I am a person whose life was touched deeply by dear ones who have struggled with suicidal ideation and attempts. In order to honor the privacy of those I love, I will not be sharing names or their exact relationships with me. As a writer for the Diocese of Boise, I need to state a disclaimer that my views are not necessarily the views of my employer. 

I have researched and written about the saints, twice a month for about eight years for the Idaho Catholic Register. The only exception has been for the month of July, when our paper takes our summer break. That’s more than 170 saint stories. Please believe me when I tell you that those saints were fully human. They knew despair, they knew temptation, and they knew the hope that Jesus brings even when all seemed truly lost. 

One of my favorite mysteries of the Rosary is the fifth joyful mystery: Finding Jesus in the Temple. It’s my favorite for many reasons, but especially because it is a beautiful truth that God brings happy surprises! Even when all seems lost and the suffering seems as if it will end in death, God has happy surprises for us. 

My hope in blogging about suicide for Salt & Light Radio in my spare time, is to help others who are struggling with it. 

As we start this journey together through the dark valleys of depression, anxiety and suicide, I hope to bring what I have learned not only in my personal experiences, but also what I have learned from the saints. 

In walking with you, I want to know: What are your questions about suicide? What do you wish someone would explain to you about mental health– not from the textbook or from the advantage of graduate degrees and certifications–  but as a friend who has been there? What weighs on your mind: Is it ideas about self-care? How to find a counselor? Practical things? Spiritual things? 

I want this to be a no-judgment zone. I want this blog to be a safe place for you on your road to healing. With faith, hope and love as our focus, I want us to remember that nothing is of value without love. 

I may not know you, but I know absolutely that you are loved. If I care so much, as fallen as I am, to want to reach out in a blog, then how much more does our perfect Savior love you? How much more does He see how precious you are? 

Please comment below with your thoughts and questions. I’m looking forward to reading them.

In His Love, 

Emily

Emily Woodham is staff writer for the Idaho Catholic Register. She writes for Salt & Light Radio in her spare time. She is a convert from Anglicanism, has been married for more than 28 years, and has six kids, ages 25 to 6. She loves to read, write, sing, and feed people home-cooked meals, especially desserts. Her views are not necessarily the views of the Diocese of Boise or Salt & Light Radio.